Flirting With Goddesses
by starlight.moon.princess
Summary: Or the one in which Tony Stark almost definitely has a death wish and cannot stop flirting with Sif.


**For the following prompt on the Avengers Kink Meme: Sif is on Earth and someone jokingly says "Big Brother is watching you." while looking at a camera. Sif replies seriously. "Of course he is. He's always watching." And not finding it odd at all because Heimdall is her big brother. Reaction is up to writer.**

**This is my first time writing for this fandom, so I hope you guys enjoy it!**

**Please don't forget to drop a review :)**

* * *

"I still don't get why Thor didn't bring you around before," Tony grumbled, moving his attention from the screen in front of him to throw the aforementioned god a death glare.

Natasha snorted, giving Tony an unimpressed look. "As much as it may be difficult for your tiny brain to comprehend, it might have had something to do with keeping you alive," she said archly.

"What do you mean by keeping me alive? Also, I'm a genius, I definitely don't have a tiny brain. I can show you if you like," Tony replied, giving Natasha a suggestive look.

"And _that_ might be what Black Widow meant, Iron Man," Steve said, jumping into the conversation to prevent it from degenerating into another one of Tony and Natasha's destructive arguments. For some reason, he doubted Pepper would be very happy to find the room destroyed when she came in there the next time. "I doubt Lady Sif would be very appreciative of your flirting – or possess the incredible restraint that Natasha does." The last part was mumbled, but Tony heard it anyways.

"While I do appreciate your discussion regarding me," Sif said, effectively stopping the argument that Tony was about to start in its tracks, "I would like to know who it was that took the seed of Yggdrasil. That is not something that can be allowed to stay in Midgard."

"Yes, yes, we know. Power to destroy the world, knowledge that's dangerous for mankind, this all seems like stuff we've heard before. Like that one time with- Oh look that's you entering the building," Tony said, breaking off in the middle of his rambling of the greatest exploits of the Avengers.

"Indeed it is Lady Sif," Thor said, taking a closer look at the screen.

"Great! So all we need to do is figure out which of our favourite supervillains took a trip there before the breathtaking lady did, and we'll know who has the seed!" Tony exclaimed, fiddling with the screen once more before spinning on his chair to face the rest of the occupants of the room. Turning all his attention to Sif, he put on his most charming smile. "So, I was wondering," he began.

"I'd advise you not to complete that statement if you want to live," a voice said, interrupting his flirtation. Pepper strode into the room, one of the newest Stark Tech pads in hand. She shot Tony a dark glare before handing him the pad and a stylus. "I need your signature on this," she said.

"Oh come on Pep!" Tony said as he scrawled on the pad. "You know I only love you!"

Pepper just shook her head as she bent down to kiss him on the cheek. "We'll talk about this later," she said, turning around and walking back out of the room.

"I swear to god that woman has the patience of a saint to put up with you," Clint said looking at Pepper's retreating figure. "If I was in her place, I would have killed you a long time ago."

"Do you often fantasize about being in her place Clint?" Tony asked, spinning around to look at the archer. "I know I'm devilishly handsome, but I never imagined I would have affected you too! I do apologise," he continued, ignoring Clint's murderous look and his twitches towards his bow, "But I have to inform you that I'm- Wait a minute, what's that?" he asked, suddenly all business as he turned his attention to the screen in front of him.

"The guy entering the building? It doesn't look like one of the villains we encounter. It just seems like a normal guy," Bruce said, staring at the screen.

"No, I'm pretty sure I've seen him before," Clint said.

"He's right. The guy's not someone's we've dealt with, but I'm pretty sure he isn't just another average guy," Tony informed everyone. "Just give me a moment, I'm running his face through facial recognition."

"And don't we all just love modern technology," Bruce muttered. "Here's a warning for all of you standing here with even the slightest tendency to lawlessness," he continued, throwing a covert glance at Natasha and Clint, "Big brother is _always_ watching."

"Once again, I'm lost," Steve announce to the room at large.

Just as Tony was about to turn to give him a scathing lecture on the meaning of the phrase, Sif broke into the conversation, beaming as she said, "You're right, of course. I didn't realise mortals knew of the fact that big brother is watching everything, but I'm still impressed."

At that, Tony, Natasha and Clint turned to gape at the goddess.

"How do you- I mean, Thor still hasn't been able to grasp the concept of a microwave and you're-" Natasha murmured helplessly.

While the three of them were being shocked, Bruce was sniggering in the corner. "None of you morons know even the slightest bit of Norse myth, do you?" he asked.

"Not at all," Tony replied without shame. "What does that have to do with her knowing modern phrases that even the Cap hasn't bothered to learn?"

"She's talking literally," Bruce said, still sniggering. "Her elder brother is Heimdall, who sees everything that happens in the nine worlds. She's not talking about the phrase; she means that her big brother watches everything that happens."

Tony looked at Bruce, eyes blinking in shock. "When did this become my life?" he muttered.

A ping from the computer turned everyone's attention back to the screen once again.

"And there you have it, Lady," Tony told Sif, quickly getting over his surprise. "The thief of the seed is one Norman Osbourne, also known as the Green Goblin, also known as the sworn enemy of that kid who swings around New York – Spider-Man, I think he's called."

"That's nice. If you could just point me to the direction of this thief, I'll get the seed back and return to Asgard as soon as I can. You Midgardians confuse me," Sif told them.

"I don't think so, my lady. We shall not allow a lady to go to battle alone, no matter how capable she may be!" Thor declared, holding out his hand to call for his hammer.

The rest of the team exchanged glances silently.

"Well, I guess we should all go suit up," Steve finally said into the silence.

As everyone made their way to their respective parts of the Avengers Tower, Tony threw one last glance at the amalgamation of people and gods present in front of him.

"Again," he muttered to himself as he made his way to his laboratory, "What exactly has become of my life?"


End file.
